4:47am – Ugly Things

It’s 4:47am – I’ve been up since 12:47am, so exactly four hours since I walked into “I can’t sleep” town. It’s very quiet here.

I’ve been kicking around on my computer, hoping it would tire out my eyes and I would go back to sleep, but I think it’s just waking me up.

There’s a buzzing here – grasshoppers or some sort of summery sound. Also someone’s air conditioner which is bizarre because it’s so cool outside.  The moon showed up in my back yard which is funny to see because it was in the front yard before I went to bed.  That was a short lived event.

I’ve been looking through photos of actors and musicians on their websites and facebook pages. Mine included. There is this re-occuring theme of “look at the most beautiful photos of me.” Poised, graceful, intriguing, beautiful. I love posting photos like these. But the more I’m looking at all of these beautiful people the more I’m realizing that we’re forgetting to share in the fact that we all have not-so-beautiful moments.  Not beautiful by our standards, anyway. We want to show that our lives are wonderful and that we feel grateful and blessed for all that we have. And it is true for me – I feel grateful and blessed for all that I have in my wonderful life.  But that doesn’t mean that life isn’t hard sometimes.  Sometimes it’s downright ugly. Sometimes we don’t feel beautiful. Sometimes I’m afraid that if I write a song that doesn’t show off how beautiful my life is, you will judge me as being ungrateful for all that I have.

But then I remember that you have those days too.  Days that make you sad, angry, confused, afraid.  But know that those things are not ugly.  They do not make you ugly.  They tie us together. It is what is special about being a songwriter. Yes, I have to promote my work with photos that make listening appealing…but the heart of it is the music that hopefully makes us connect to each other. We need that most when we are sad.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that, on the days when you don’t think you’re beautiful, just remember that I do.

(I do think you’re beautiful, that is.)

Moon over my back yard, 4:47am

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