My Relationship to My Creativity

My relationship to my creativity.

It’s like a relationship with a person. If you don’t nourish it, pay attention to it, learn about it, it resents you and just sits there nagging and unhappy.
But then sometimes you pay attention to it and it kicks back at you.
It’s easy to let everything else come before the creative process. It’s easy to get up in the morning and start with daily tasks and do the things you “need” to do to live your life. There’s a lot of important life things that can easily take over the time you need to create.
This morning I gave myself time to write. I sat and wrote without purpose or form. I have to do this. I try to do it daily, even if just two sentences. And then I let it form into song when it needs to. I have to allow myself time to ponder. To wonder about things. To roll words and thoughts over in my head and my heart so that when it’s time to let it come out with a melody, it’s there to do so.
I gave myself a good amount of time today. Just to write. I tried not to get distracted by my phone – by social media, which keeps me connected to listeners when I’m not in front of them with a microphone and a story to tell.
That part is hard, too. But I gave myself time. Just to write.
And somehow, I felt lazy. Like I was wasting my day. That there were “things” I needed to do. Contacts I needed to follow up with to further my career. Shows I needed to book. Paid work I needed to acquire.
But if I don’t write, everything else is pointless. It IS my job. It is what I do.
I can’t write a song if I don’t work through things first. And just because this day didn’t end in a song written, doesn’t mean that work wasn’t done, progress wasn’t made.
But so little worth is given to that part of the creative process. You know, the ACTUAL creative process. People want to know what you have to show for it.
I want to know what I have to show for it.
But I have to let it be. Grow. Become whatever it will become.
My relationship to my creativity ebbs and flows. Like relationships with people.
It is the closest relationship I know, and one I have been grateful to become more in tune with and aware of over the years.
But it’s different every day. And today was a harder day.
Tomorrow, we begin again.